Manners--and not the kid kind

I suppose comparison-making is a normal human inclination, but it drives me nuts when people compare children in a rather competitive manner--especially when it's other parents whom we've just met for the first time. Such comparisons usually begin with a question "Is s/he walking yet?" "How many words does s/he have?" Of course sometimes these questions are innocent enough and are merely polite niceties. Other times the questions--and the parents' follow-up answers--reek of ego-centrism, fierce competition, and just plain rudeness. The one we get most often is "How old are they?" As in the example below:




Ignore the fact that I got Niamh's age off by a month (15 months, not 14 months)--blame it on being caught off guard during a fun moment--but unfortunately what is not captured on the video is the follow-up comment which went something like:

Parent: "Oh, they are so little for their age. Little Jack here is only 12 months and already weighs 28 pounds."

So, is the implication that the bigger child is healthier/better/more advanced? I don't get it. Why is big better? Is it a carryover from our cultural past in which heavy or big meant healthier/stronger/richer and thus better? Maybe I'm over-sensitive but the protective mother-bear side of me gets offended by any suggestion that my small children are somehow inferior. Yes, they are indeed small. And, if our statures are any indication of genetic predispositions they will probably always be on the small side. So what?

I should note that this is not an isolated incident. In fact, I probably get such a comment ("oh, they are so tiny/little") at least once a week from strangers. When the comment seems innocent enough, I reply with: "Yes, and they have huge personalities." When the comment comes with a particularly rude or fierce comparison to little Johnny or Sally who is 2X the size and 1/2 the age, I reply with : "Yes, and the doctor says they will probably never suffer from childhood obesity like other children."

Can't we just let children be children? It seems to me that parenthood should breed solidarity and community, not competitiveness. The pride we feel for our children and their developmental milestones need not carryover into boastful comparisons. Who cares when X started doing Y or who can say what words first? What does it matter? More important is that these little humans are encouraged to be who they are and nurtured in such a way to develop the sensitivity and empathy to accept all people, no matter their size or abilities.